


And it was

by midnightelite



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Christmas fic, F/M, Fluffy, Soulmates, THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED, basically a tropey mess, sorry its late i'm a mess, there is an explicit smut scene about halfway through, they were roomates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:13:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28365960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightelite/pseuds/midnightelite
Summary: Lily is in love with her best friend who also happens to be her soulmate. It sucks that James isn't interested in her, but she is determined to get through this trip. She will figure out how to continue cohabitating together when they're back home.
Relationships: Benjy Fenwick/Mary Macdonald, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 41
Kudos: 104





	And it was

**Author's Note:**

  * For [writtenbyfreckles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/writtenbyfreckles/gifts).



> This is a gift for @tumbledfreckles. Without her this fic would have never been finished, she has been my support, my beta, and the person who kicks me into gear when I kept wanting to abandon it. Thanks freckles, you're amazing and I'm so thankful to have you in my life! Love you <3 
> 
> I also want to give a shout out to @deadwoodpecker and @magic-girl-in-a-muggle-world for beta-ing and being just generally phenomenal people and writers. Thank you for putting up with me. I love you both so much <3
> 
> I hope you guys like it, I think this is the first story I genuinely can say I like how it turned out, and I owe a lot of it to the people I mentioned above. I hope everyone had a great holiday, whatever holidays you celebrate. I wish everyone luck and a great New Year. <3

She should have known not to trust Sirius and Marlene with anything. 

Lily paced the room in a ‘U’ shape around the queen-sized bed in the center of the room. The  _ single _ queen bed in the room she is sharing with her  _ best friend _ . 

Normally it’d be fine! 

If it was anyone else it would have been fine. 

But  _ no. _

She had to share a room with one  _ James Potter _ . 

The friend she has been in love with since she was paired with him in biology during her second semester of undergrad, and coincidentally started seeing the color green for the first time. The one who opened her eyes to the kaleidoscope of colors that were always around her, but was masked by the monochrome color palette people started seeing at birth. 

_ The one who thinks of her as just a friend. _

The one who she moved in with a year ago when Sirius moved into a flat with Remus-his own soulmate-suspiciously close to the time her lease was up at her old place. The one she is going to have to share a bed with for the next  _ four  _ nights for their holiday getaway before many of them made their own trek back to their parents for Christmas. 

_ Breathe.  _

She ran her fingers through her hair, gripping it tightly at the root, and tugged lightly in frustration.

_ She was going to kill Sirius and Marlene. _

Okay, so, if Lily was being honest with herself, it probably wasn’t just the two of them. Their partners were equally as conniving. Plus Mary and Benjy are here and she wouldn’t put it past Mary to add to her torture. So they had help. Still, she is nearly a hundred percent sure Marlene and Sirius were the main instigators here. 

This is exactly why she had said she couldn’t have wine nights with them anymore. She would always drink a little too much - add to the fact that they would watch the cheesiest rom coms they could find-and she’d go on about how she wished she could be with someone just like they were. Though they all knew who she was talking about. 

_ Guess they decided to do something about it. _

Lily sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed, her hands still lost in her hair. She knew she had to get back out with the group soon or they’d come looking for her. They may be little shits, but they are firmly in the camp of no friend left behind. Which was useful when drinking at a bar, not so useful when you are having a crisis because your best friends are assholes. 

After another deep breath, she got up and headed to the door. She turned the knob, pulling the door open, and froze. 

On the other side was the exact boy she had been thinking about, hand in the air poised to knock. Matching startled expression on his face. 

“James,” Lily said quietly. 

She couldn’t tear her gaze away from the swirling greens, browns, and golds in his eyes. She felt stuck to the spot, pinned by his gaze, neither of them speaking nor moving. Heat flooded her cheeks, and she broke eye contact as the silence dragged on, her gaze falling to her gray wool socked feet. 

James ran his hand through his hair, a nervous tick she picked up on once they moved in together. “I-uh just wanted to make sure you were okay. You disappeared for a bit.” 

Lily’s eyes rose to land back on his face, where a worried look twisted his features. 

“Everything’s fine!” Lily forced a smile, hoping it came off genuine. “Just got a text from Pet. You know how she can be.” She shrugged and brushed past him, heading towards the main room. 

Lily could feel his eyes boring holes in her back as she headed down the hall. 

* * *

For their first night away, the group decided to watch Christmas movies together. The living space was nice, it had a kitchen, separated by a wall with a window that doubled as a breakfast bar, that looked into the area with a TV hanging on the wall. There was a couch facing the screen head-on, a matching loveseat on the left, and a matching club chair on the right. 

Lily, Remus, and Sirius were in the kitchen, talking idly as they waited for their mountains of popcorn to finish popping. Lily looked through the window to the living room and saw Marley and Dorcas had settled into a snuggle in the chair, Benjy and Mary under a mountain of blankets on the love seat, and over the back of the couch, she saw one lone mop of messy hair. 

She tuned back into what Remus was saying and realized he was still giving his argument on why  _ Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer  _ is a better movie than  _ A Year Without A Santa Claus. _

“...They gave the children all the toys from the Isle of Misfit Toys! That’s such a great message for kids. It furthers the point that it’s okay to be different. It’s  _ especially _ helpful when we live in such a judgemental society.” 

Though he is completely wrong in this case,  _ A Year Without A Santa Claus _ is a superior movie. The microwave beeped it’s fourth and final time. Lily went about splitting them into bowls as the boys continued discussing.

Task complete, she grabbed one of the bowls and rolled her eyes at the pair. “Are you two ready to start the movies, or are you going to continue arguing over which is a better classic Christmas movie, when everyone knows  _ A Year Without A Santa Claus _ will win every time?” 

Remus’s eyes widened, causing Lily to smirk. 

With a triumphant smile, Sirius grabbed another bowl and looped an arm through Lily’s, leading them from the kitchen, leaving Remus alone to accept his defeat. 

Sirius handed off the popcorn bowl he was holding to Dorcas before he pulled Lily down on the couch in between him and James. She shot Sirius a warning look before turning and smiling at the boy on her opposite side and offering him some of the popcorn. 

Remus walked in a moment later, a sour look on his face as he handed off a bowl of popcorn to Benjy before collapsing on the couch next to Sirius, who immediately curled into his side.

“Something wrong Remus? You look like someone pissed in your porridge.” James joked, leaning forward slightly to catch the boy’s eye. 

“No,” he sighed. “Lils is just spewing this nonsense that  _ Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer _ is not the best Christmas movie, and it’s turned my stomach.” 

“She’s not wrong, everyone knows it’s  _ A Year Without A Santa Claus.”  _ James’ tone was matter-of-fact, punctuated with a shrug. 

“HA!” Sirius sat up, pointing a finger at Remus. “Told ya it was the best movie.” A smug smile settled onto the gray-eyed boy’s face. 

“They’re not wrong,” Dorcas joined in.

“Oh no. Not you, too. I thought you, of all people, would have taste.” Remus despaired. 

Marley gasped dramatically. “How dare you say my girlfriend doesn’t have taste, just because you can’t accept the fact that Rudolph doesn’t hold a candle to a year without.” She pulled Dorcas closer and buried her face into her hair.

“I  _ really _ need to find new friends.” Remus shook his head in disappointment.

“Like anyone would take you with tastes like that,” Mary said around a giggle. 

Remus’s mouth dropped into an ‘O’.

“Alright! Now that that’s cleared up! Is everyone ready?” Marley asked the group with a wide smile. 

After a chorus of yeses-and, another grumble from Remus about finding better friends-she pressed play and the opening credits of  _ Elf _ rolled across the screen _. _

Lily shifted slightly to get more comfortable, and relaxed as Papa Elf’s voice filled the cozy space.

She was laughing quietly while Buddy was throwing snowballs at the teens messing with his half brother when she felt the cushions of the couch increase pressure across her shoulders. 

Lily looked to her right and realized James threw his arm along the back of the couch, still watching as the movie rolled, not realizing the anxiety thrumming through the girl next to him. She turned back to the movie, now overly aware of how she was sitting. She held her breath trying to quiet her nerves. 

“Alright, Evans?” James whispered, and Lily jumped at the question, not realizing when he had gotten so close. 

She focused on forcing her body to relax, she realized it was dumb that she was getting in her head, to begin with. They  _ are  _ best friends. She leaned back slightly, resting more fully on the back of the couch, instead of the ramrod position she moved into in her attempt at calming her nerves.

“Yeah, of course. Was just  _ really  _ into that snowball fight.” She hoped he believed it, or at least played along. 

Lily turned to look at him, and he hadn’t moved away yet. Their eyes met, and she couldn’t read his expression-a rare occurrence as James was usually very easy to read. Lily raised an eyebrow in question, and he leaned out of her space, his attention landing back on the TV in front of them. She leaned slightly against his side and he dropped his arm to lay across her shoulders instead of its previous perch. 

Lily firmly told the butterflies currently hosting a raucous party in her stomach to quiet down, and tried to focus on the rest of the movie. 

“Hey, Lils.” 

The voice sounded faraway to Lily. She felt a light squeeze and her eyes slowly blinked open. She looked around and saw some people had already headed to their rooms. 

“You fell asleep during the movie.” 

She turned to the sound now registering it was James who was speaking. 

She closed her eyes tightly again, trying to force her vision into focus quicker. She opened them once more and saw a soft expression on James’s features that made her heart sing. She looked away, to the emptying room. Lily caught Sirius’s eye, he sent her a wink before disappearing down the hall, presumably to his room. 

“Sorry ‘bout that, Potter. Guess traveling makes me more tired than I realized.” 

“Yeah, me too.” She looked back at James, and that same expression was on his face. 

Lily smiled awkwardly before standing from the couch. “I’m just gonna get ready for bed.” She pointed over her shoulder toward their room, before scurrying in that direction. 

Rooting through her suitcase; her eyes caught and lingered on the bed again, along with a new spike of anxiety. Lily forced her attention back to finding her toiletries and pajamas. 

When she crossed the bathroom threshold she closed the door behind and slid the lock gratefully into place, shutting herself away from that room, that bed. She turned slowly, leaning her back up against the door, letting her eyes close as she took a deep, steadying breath. 

_ You have got to pull yourself together.  _

Another breath, a straightening of shoulders. 

Lily pushed off the door, pulling her shampoo, conditioner, and body wash from her bag. She placed them in the shower and turned on the water. 

_ You’ve found ways to cope with sharing an apartment with the guy, you are not going to let a bed ruin this friendship. _

She just needed to act normal for this trip, and when they get back to the apartment, she can stay in her room till James leaves the next morning to visit his parents. Then she’ll have a little over a week to figure everything out. Breathing space. She was confident could figure out a plan by New Years’. 

Lily stripped off the leggings and t-shirt she wore for the trip to the cabin and tested the water with her fingers. Feeling the water at just the right level of warmth she stepped in. She let out a deep exhale, savoring the pleasant feeling of the water cascading down her skin. 

_ Bloody wine night. _

If they didn’t watch those hallmark movies all night she wouldn’t have felt so lonely on Christmas. It was an especially bad idea since it reminded her that she’d be alone for the holiday. Though, she supposes, alone is better than spending the evening with Petunia and Vermin. 

She just wished she had someone to spend the time with. It’s hard when all your friends have found their soulmates and they fell in love. 

Lily knew growing up it was possible to find your soulmate, and find that you are not theirs. She knew that they could also be a match and not romantically start anything. She doesn’t know which category she falls under, soulmates are not usually discussed much amongst friends, wanting to avoid hurting anyone accidentally. Lily guesses she should just be happy she had a soulmate, not everyone did. 

She sighed and turned off the shower. 

Gently squeezing the excess water from her hair, Lily pulled the curtain back, feeling the cool air create goose flesh on her arms. She stepped out and reached for a folded towel off the shelf nearby. Her favorite pajamas, an old faded band t-shirt, and striped shorts made her feel more like herself. Comfortable in her own skin for at least a few moments. 

Lily tied up her hair and brushed her teeth at the sink, forcing herself to make eye contact with her reflection. She tried to stifle any nerves that started growing as the procrastination window closed. She’d have to go back out there soon. 

At least she could admit it to herself, she thought, that the idea of sharing a bed with James terrified her. Mostly because she feels like she could get used to it. It’s so easy to forget they’re just friends when he’s around. He makes her heart fly, only for it to crash when she remembers they’re not how she wished they were.

She just wished the situation was easier. 

Lily packed her stuff up and headed back to her room. When she entered the room she saw a lone figure on the far side of the bed. She didn’t know if she should feel relieved or upset that he seemed to be already sleeping. 

Placing her items back near her duffel, she turned and pulled the covers back slightly and slid underneath. Staring at the ceiling for a moment Lily reminded herself she could do this, before turning on her side and letting Morpheus take hold. 

* * *

Light filled the room, bouncing off the white walls making it seem brighter than normal. It pulled at Lily’s consciousness, tugging her from the depths of her dreams. The first thing she noticed was the arms wrapped around her waist. The second was the warm pressure flush against her back. She couldn’t help but think how perfectly they fit together, before reality set in and she admonished herself for the traitorous thought. 

As she was debating whether to pretend to sleep or move from the intimate embrace, the arms tightened before disappearing completely, the warm presence following suit. Lily, seeing her opportunity, moved to rub her eyes, as if James’s action was what woke her. 

“Morning, Evans,” He greeted softly, as if afraid to break the quiet around them. Lily rolled to her other side. Their eyes met, and she tried to see if he had even a trace amount of her worries written in his eyes. He didn’t.

“Morning, James. Sleep well?” She met his volume level and hoped her tone came off light. 

James smiled warmly, “Can’t complain. You?” 

Lily opened her mouth to respond when the door to their room burst open. Before either of them could react someone jumped on top of the pair of them.

“It snowed!” The body she could now identify as Sirius said. 

“Great! Could you get off now, you prat?” Lily responded fondly. Sirius wiggled till he was situated between the two occupants of the bed, and cuddled up to her. After adjusting so she was comfortable again, she tangled her fingers in the grey-eyed boy’s hair, scratching lightly at his scalp as she played with his hair. Sirius sighed in contentment, making himself more comfortable on the now crowded bed.

“So, Pads, is there a reason you burst in here screaming about snow or did you just want someone to cuddle with? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure if it was the latter you have a boyfriend for that?” James asked, causing Lily to start at the sarcasm in his tone.

“Well, with that attitude I have nothing to ask you.” Sirius sniffed as if he was holding back tears. “As for Lils, the rest of us are heading outside for a snowball fight, so you should probably get ready.” James got up from the bed, leaving the other two still cuddled, one under the covers the other on top. Lily quickly looked away, hoping to hide the blush she felt warming her cheeks when she noticed James was topless. She felt Sirius shake with silent laughter, so she lightly hit him on the top of his head, and started untangling herself from his limbs. 

As she stood up, she made eye contact with James over the bed. “I’m gonna go get ready in the bathroom, so-uh-feel free to change in here.” He said, before leaving the room and shutting the door behind him.

Once she heard the click of it closing firmly, she sat on the edge of the bed. Resting her head on her knees, she groaned. She felt movement behind her but held her position.  _ Why did he have to be so hot? Stupid football.  _

“How are you doing, flower,” Sirius asked genuinely. 

“I told you not to call me that. I’m fine. It’s fine.” Lily buried her hands into her hair. She felt a hand settle on her back.

“You don’t look fine.” Lily sat up, her hands falling into her lap, and turned towards her friend.

“Wow, just what every girl wants to hear.” She deadpanned. 

Sirius raised his hands in surrender. “I just mean, someone who is fine doesn’t curl into a ball and groan like she made a huge mistake. So, what’s the problem?” 

“You know what the problem is.” She stated. Sirius gave her a pointed look in response. “Okay, since you want to play dumb. You booked a cabin where I’d have to share a bed with my unrequited soulmate. Which is bad enough, to begin with, but then I woke up this morning and we were cuddling!” 

Lily gave an exasperated sigh. “It just feels so natural with James, which I guess makes sense considering-” She trailed off and made a waving motion with her hand “-but then I remember that it’s one-sided, and it just hurts. It’s like I have this empty hole in my chest that just aches, and I know there’s nothing I can do about it. I just have to pretend everything is fine, and I don’t feel fine right now.” She blinked rapidly to dispel the tears that were gathering in her eyes.

Sirius pulled her into a hug, his arms securely holding her against him. She, belatedly, wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face into the crook of his neck. Lily tried to just revel in the moment where she felt secure. Just her and Sirius. Though it’s hard to think of him and not think of James. The two are practically attached at the hip. She inhaled deeply, before pulling away.

“I should probably get ready.” She stood up and started digging through her bag. She grabbed a thick forest green sweater, a pair of jeans, and a pair of wool socks. When she turned back around Sirius was spread across the bed like a starfish, scrolling through his phone. 

Lily rolled her eyes before changing into her chosen outfit. She grabbed her gloves and matching hat, “Ready to go?” A grunt, and then the squeak of springs let her know his answer. She headed toward the hall to join the rest of her friends, trying not to hyper fixate on how she woke up this morning.  _ Everything was fine _ . 

As she entered the living area, she saw the majority of the group gathered in warm clothing. Lily headed toward the coat closet and grabbed her puffy coat and boots. By the time she got both on, they had already headed outside. 

She stepped foot on the patio and was not prepared for the scene in front of her. A full-scale war was happening in the yard.  _ How did it escalate so fast? I was only alone for a couple of minutes. _ Lily tried to figure out a game plan when she heard a yell.

“Evans, duck!” Her body reacted before her brain processed what was said. She dropped to her knees and heard the crash of a snowball hitting the door she had just closed. 

_ So this is how they’re gonna play it. _

Lily waddled in her crouched position over to a table they turned on its side. She lifted her head just enough to assess the battlefield. There was overturned furniture littering the white expanse.

On the side closest to her, Sirius, Marlene, and Benjy were hiding behind a lounge chair, keeping watch through the slats. On the opposite side of the yard, there was a makeshift shelter that was made from an overturned fire pit and three chairs. She quickly dove behind the lawn chair. 

“Glad you’re finally joining us Red. You’re on our team, now don’t let your emotions interfere with your game. I need you to use all those skills you learned when you used to play softball.”

“Sirius, I played softball for one season and I sucked. I was right field.” She raised her eyebrows to convey her meaning. “Also, what emotions, you three are the ones playing against your significant others.” 

A slam against their shelter and the resulting sprinkling of snow on them cut their conversation short. Lily flipped into game mode, and the group started strategizing. After a decision was made they broke their huddle and split up.

The fight was brutal. Couples were squabbling over being targeted. Friendships were questioned. And Lily was just tackled to the ground. She gazed up at the cloudy sky above, as a solid weight pushed her deeper into the powdery spread. The snow’s chill was biting into her neck where it seeped in between her hair. The mass on top of her started to move and fogged spectacles streaked with water greeted her.

“Sorry, Evans. Snowball was heading straight for your head. I tried to save ya.” 

“Thanks. God forbid I get wet, right.” She teased. 

A bashful expression formed on his face. “Sorry ‘bout tha-” Lily scooped a handful of snow and smashed it into the back of James’s head, cutting off his sentence. She smirked at his shocked expression. She started to laugh, it grew in volume as it grew in length. “You are  _ so _ dead.” He said seriously, mischief swirling in his eyes. The look caused heat to pool in her lower abdomen. 

James gathered some of the white powder around them, and she moved her arms up to cover her face. Lily could feel the sprinkling of snow he slowly dropped along her arms. Once there was a break in the sensation she removed her arms and looked up at the boy who seemed to always wear a smile. 

“Evans! What did I say?” It was like cold water was poured over her head and she realized what was going on around her. She could hear some laughing from around her, along with the smashing of snowballs her friends still lobbed.

She turned her head towards the voice. Sirius stood to her right with a stern expression on his face, and Lily rolled her eyes at his antics. James got to his feet and then extended a hand towards her. Gratefully, she accepted his hand and stood; dropping it as soon as she was steady under the guise of brushing snow off her pants. Without sparing either of them a glance, she headed over to her other teammates, and continued the game.  _ Only two more days and we will all be heading home. _

* * *

The rest of the trip went similarly. She hung out with her friends and successfully avoided being alone with James. Except for a couple of instances. Like when she woke up each morning in his arms. And the one time he made her hot chocolate and she couldn’t even look him in the eye as she thanked him. She  _ did _ successfully avoid sitting next to him on the couch for movies, much to Sirius’s chagrin. One night she even sat in Mary’s lap…

Though he did  _ not _ make it easy. Since most people were coupled up they didn’t always want company. So, he asked her if she wanted to build a snowman, which she politely turned down, and crashed Marlene and Dorcas’s alone time. Another time she took a drive to the supermarket with Remus and Sirius when he asked her to go for a walk. 

_I only have to make it through tonight, and the car ride, and then James will be out of town till New Year’s._ _I can sort out my feelings and how to move forward once he is at his parent’s_ _._

Lily read the same sentence for the tenth time; she couldn’t focus long enough to comprehend the words. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep avoiding him before he noticed. 

She sighed, laying the book-still open-on her lap. She looked out the window into the swirling white flakes dancing their frantic dance as they made their way toward the ground.

A shuffling noise grabbed her attention, and she turned toward it. James was standing in the doorway looking awkward-a trait she would not normally associate with the boy. 

“Lily?” He called; hesitancy coloring every fiber of his being.

“Everything okay, James?” She swallowed thickly around the lump in her throat. 

“I don’t know.” He said quietly. The hurt expression on his face causing her heart to splinter. “Do you...hate me?” The way he phrased it made it seem as though he was afraid of the answer. It caught Lily off guard. She realized she may not be as good at hiding the avoidance as she thought.  _ How could I  _ _ hate _ _ him?  _ “If you do, I’m sorry. It may be weird living with someone you hate so I can look into mov-”   
  
“I don’t hate you,” Lily said firmly, cutting him off before he could spiral. She closed the book in her lap, placing it on the sofa next to her. Getting to her feet she closed some of the distance between them. She tried to send him a reassuring look.

Confusion twisted his features. “Then why have you been avoiding me? I feel like anytime you see me you make some excuse to leave. Did I upset you or something?”

“I promise it’s nothing like that. It’s my own thing.” She took another step forward. Lily wasn’t sure if she should be more relieved or worried that the confusion swirling behind his eyes seems to be overtaking the hurt. She didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t tell him how she felt. Could she? She felt like her thoughts were moving too fast in her head for her to grab one, or make a decision. They were whirling and creating a pressure she could feel pressing against the confines her skull provided. 

“What could be so bad that you don’t want to hang out with me? I thought we were-” Lily surged forward and crashed her lips to his-stopping his sentence before he could finish it-and set a desperate pace. Desperate to show her love. Desperate to assuage his fears. Desperate to make him  _ understand _ . James was stock still for a moment, before returning the embrace with equal enthusiasm. 

His hand came to rest on her cheek gently as if he was afraid she would break.  _ Well, that won’t do. _ Lily closed the little bit of space that remained between them. She threaded her fingers roughly through his hair, giving a not-so-gentle tug, changing the angle just enough for her to deepen the kiss. Their tongues tangled, both falling into a rhythm that seemed like second nature. Like they’ve known it all along. Lily nipped his bottom lip, causing a growl to leave James’s throat.

His hand moved into her hair roughly, his other arm wrapping around her waist, crushing her to his chest. He started walking them to her left, but all Lily could focus on was the feel of his body against hers. The brush of their chests making electric shocks spark along her spine, and heat pool in her lower abdomen. 

Her back collided with a wall, and James crowded into her space. The arm previously around her waist was now bracketing her head, as he rested both forearms on the wall. James pulled back, and their eyes met. Lily could feel the tension crackling between them, as she took in his mussed hair and blown pupils. 

Not even a moment later his lips reconnected with hers, and she felt his hands slide under her sweater, exploring the planes of her abdomen, as his tongue teased ragged breaths from her lips. James’s hands continued their travels, exploring every bit of the skin they could reach, tracing her ribs, ghosting along the curves of her breasts, fingers caressing her hips. His lips, blazing their own fiery trail, were along the curve of her neck, nipping her pulse point, sucking the skin found where it met her shoulder. As he skimmed the underside of her breast again, she arched her back, hoping he’d take the hint.

He kissed a line up to her ear. “Easy, Evans,” James whispered, his voice huskier than she ever heard. The sound caused her nerves to stand on end, and the warmth in her abdomen to flare. Lily used the hand in his hair to pull his head back up to hers. Catching his lips in another searing kiss, pushing her chest against his trying to build friction. 

James’s hands trailed up her sides, her sweater being pushed higher, till he was pulling it over her head. The change of temperature with the loss of clothing had goosebumps prickling across her body. He tossed the garment to the side, his eyes roving over the newly exposed skin with a look that could only be described as ravenous. James’s lips eagerly returned to hers, and Lily responded in kind.

His hands went back to their wandering, finally coming up to palm her chest through the thin black fabric of her bralette, drawing a small moan from the redhead. Before Lily realized what was happening, James’s hands were back at her hips, before sliding down her legging-clad thighs. His hands gently pressed the back of her legs. Lily broke the kiss momentarily, helping him situate her legs around his waist. James backed away from the wall, and she tightened her thighs, his hands gripping them firmly, and the kiss clouding her thoughts. Her brain repeating his name like a mantra,  _ James, James, James. _

James walked into the room they were sharing and kicked the door closed behind them. Breaking the kiss, he laid Lily softly down on the bed. Using her legs, she pushed herself toward the head of the bed. Undoing the clasp on the front of her bralette, tossing it off the side of the bed before settling into the pillows. 

She looked up to find James staring, his jaw dropped slightly. Lily felt a blush grow across her cheeks, looking away, as she crossed her arms across her chest to cover some exposed flesh. She felt the bed dip, and her head shot up. He made his way between her parted legs. Kissing her hip bones, he made a slow and thorough exploration of her abdomen with his lips and tongue. Once he reached her arms, he sat up slightly and rested his hand lightly against her wrist. James threw her a questioning glance. 

Lily nodded imperceptibly, and let her arms fall away. He wasted no time, before taking one of the rosy peaks into his mouth and sucking roughly. A soft mewl escaped Lily’s lips, and she buried a hand in his hair, her other one gripping the blanket to her side. James switched to the other side, taking the other nipple between his lips. His hand came up to massage her other breast. Lily felt the coil in her stomach tighten with the stimulation. She roughly pulled him back up to her mouth. Her hands wandered south, fingering the edge of his t-shirt. Feeling the movement, James pulled back enough to rip the shirt over his head, before he dove back in.

Fitting himself more firmly against her, Lily could feel his length through the thin fabric of his pants. The realization that she was the reason for this reaction thrilled her to no end. Arching into him, her nipples rubbed against his bare skin, causing a shiver to run up her spine. She explored the planes of his back, dragging her nails across the surface. James buried his face into her neck at the action, bringing a smirk to Lily’s face. 

He trailed his nose up the column of her throat, the barely-there touches causing her to squirm, which had his erection graze the tender bundle of nerves at the junction of her legs. A moan escaping her, that he silenced with his lips. His hands wandered south, a finger slipping under the waistband of her pants. 

“Are you sure you wanna do this, Lils?” He said her name like a prayer, driving Lily absolutely spare. His eyes were scanning her face, but she knew the doubt he was looking for didn’t exist. 

“I’m sure,” She replied firmly, anticipation buzzing under her skin. 

James dragged her leggings and knickers down, Lily lifting her hips to help, before removing them completely and adding them to the pile of previously discarded clothes. He lifted her leg and placed a kiss on her ankle, her calf, her knee. The buzzing reaching a crescendo as he made his way closer to the apex of her thighs.

He swiped his tongue along her folds, grazing her bundle of nerves causing Lily to grip the sheets tightly. He teased her entrance a bit before focusing on the little nub and teasing shockwaves from her system. She tried to quiet a moan as James inserted a finger inside her. She was already wound so tight, the added sensation made her lose coherent thought.

Lily twisted her fingers between the strands of his hair. The pressure on her clit continued, and he added a second digit, curling them to hit the spot that made her see stars. 

“ _ James, _ ” She moaned. He increased his pace, causing the coil to tighten as she reached her mounting pleasure. She started babbling nonsense as she peaked, feeling her walls contract, as stars erupted behind her eyelids. Getting lost in the sensations. James slowed his movements, helping her come down gently from her high. As the spasms halted, he slowly, sensually, kissed his way back toward her mouth. 

Lily, impatient as she was, placed a hand on either side of his face, pulling him up for a kiss. The slip of their lips hurried as if they were running out of time. She tasted herself on him, and it drove her mad. Lily trailed her nails down across his pecs, dragging them down his abs, before playing with his waistband. Seeing no hesitation from the messy-haired boy, she went to pull down the last barrier between them when his hand stopped her. 

Separating from her, he placed a chaste kiss to the corner of her mouth before settling on his knees, the most distance between them since they entered their room. Lily’s eyes raked over his disheveled form. His hair sticking up in every direction, his lustful gaze, his kiss-bruised lips.  _ Football  _ _ really _ _ helped his form. _ The air was thick around them, and she raised an eyebrow in question. Not completely sure what she was asking. Is everything okay? Do you want to continue? 

“I don’t have any condoms,” James said forlornly. Some of the haze lifted from her brain and a wry smile played on her face.

“Luckily, you have the worst best mate in the world.” He looked at her with a perplexed expression, the hungry look still lingering behind his eyes. Sitting up, Lily leaned over to the side table pulling out a box that she presented to him like a prop on a game show. His expression darkened, and Lily felt the familiar coil in her abdomen tighten once more. 

She ripped the plastic off the box, before opening it and tossing a packet to James. She leaned back over to the table, placing the box in the same location she stumbled upon it the day before. She looked back over to James to find him-now devoid of pants-rolling the condom onto his thick length. Lily bit her lip at the display, her gaze taking in his fully nude form. 

Lily sat up fully, the scene in front of her stoking the hunger that she had kept below the surface for so long. Lunging forward, she captured his lips in a rough embrace. Her hands wandered his body, sliding down and teasing his groin before skirting away.

James let out a frustrated growl, leaning back more comfortably, he arranged Lily so she had a thigh on either side of him. He placed his hands on her hips, squeezing her sides to hold her there.

Trailing kisses down his neck, not caring whether she was leaving marks or not, paying particular attention to the juncture of his neck, she pulled her hips up and took hold of his erection. She locked eyes with the man below her and shot him a questioning look. He nodded firmly. Giving his erection a firm answering pump, she lined herself up, before sinking down on his length. The action filled her slowly, causing a pleasant stretch that created an intoxicating tightening in her lower abdomen. 

She rolled her hips, drawing a symphony of noises from James. Noises Lily would like to hear again. And again. His hands made their way to her breasts, tweaking the nipples, before palming the mounds, drawing breathy moans from her. James matched her thrust, causing the slightest bit of friction against her sensitive bud, causing her hips to stutter out of rhythm, and set her slightly off-balance. She caught herself with a hand on his abdomen and felt his hands tighten on her waist to steady her. 

Lily lifted her head, making eye contact with the bespeckled man. His pupils were blown so wide she couldn’t see the normal storm of colors that lie within them. Stretching forward she caught his lips, James slid his hands from her hips down lower to squeeze her ass, using the new hold to deepen his thrusts. The new sensations caused her eyes to roll to the back of her skull with the intoxicating friction. She was completely lost in him. 

Changing the angle of her hips slightly, her free hand roamed down to where they were joined, a finger settling on her clit, she rubbed firm circles causing her nerves to react in a chaotic dance. Lily dragged his lip between her teeth, before breaking the kiss and moving her lips along in a trail toward his ear. “Fuck James, I’m so close.” Her voice deep from her lust induced stupor. She heard a growl rumble through his chest. 

James flipped them over so she was now on her back. He continued their upbeat tempo, but knocked her hand away from her nub, and replaced it with a finger of his own. She was already so close to the edge, the action had pushed her over. Lily mumbled incoherently and dug her nails into his shoulder blade. The waves of pleasure causing her mind to blank. She felt him quicken the pace, and not long after the pace change, he was finishing as her contracting walls stalled. 

Resting his arms on either side of her head, he buried his face in the crook of her neck. They laid for a moment like that, both catching their breath. She felt James place a gentle kiss on her neck, as he pulled out of her. As the lust infused haze cleared, panic took its place.  _ Fuck _ . 

Lily could not believe she just did that. She’s pretty sure it’s not a good idea to hook up with your soulmate who is not interested in you. Like she is pretty sure that is actually a  _ horrible _ idea. Her eyes widened as the gravity of the situation started to settle. James started moving off of her, a sleepy smile on his face.

“Sorry Evans, I was probably crushing you.” He said, a hint of a joking tone lacing his voice. 

“Nope. You were fine. I’m just gonna.” She avoided eye contact as she started moving off the bed. She grabbed her clothes and started putting them on. Looking around for her sweater, which was nowhere to be seen, she grabbed her pajama top and pulled it over her head. 

Remembering her shirt was left in the hall, she made a short detour on her way to the bathroom. She closed and locked the door behind her. She was  _ really _ hoping she didn’t have to have another breakdown in the bathroom after the first. Couldn’t she wait till  _ after _ she was back in her apartment before this? 

Lily went about cleaning herself up. Okay. So she had sex with James. It’s probably fine. If he thinks it’s just a one-time thing it would suck, but she could at least get a firm answer on what his feelings are toward her. She was even more confused and conflicted than before. Her thoughts were sprinting around her skull pulling her in a million different directions. 

_ Is it fair that I slept with him when I’m in love with him and he doesn’t know? Did I take advantage of him? No, he obviously wanted to continue. But he didn’t see the full picture. He didn’t know I was in love with him. Which is probably for the best. Unless it’s not because this might have meant nothing to him. _

_**Stop**. _

Lily splashed some cool water on her face and focused on steadying her breathing. 

_ Only one more day. _

* * *

_ Beep.  _

_ Beep. _

_ Beep. _

Lily’s hand shot out, sliding the button to turn the alarm off. She noticed the increasingly familiar pair of arms around her waist for the  _ fourth day in a row _ .

She gently moved James’s arms from her middle and slid out of bed.  _ Only a few more hours. _ Lily starts to pack up the remainder of her belongings into her suitcase as silently as possible. Once she was finished, she quietly got ready, and started making breakfast for her friends. 

After they dined and cleaned any mess they created. They loaded up the car and headed home. Lily looked out the side window at the passing scenery, the quiet chatter of her friends lulling her into dreamland. 

“I got her. Sirius…….follow…..please?” Strong arms slid under her knees and behind her back. Her cheek rested against a warm mass. The chill of the night air had her burrowing closer to the body, till her nose hit smooth skin. 

“...Grab….keys….pocket? Thanks.” Lily took a deep breath in, the smell of pine causing a smile to lift her lips. “Night, Pads”

Suddenly, she felt thin fabric getting placed over her. A gentle press on her forehead had her smile growing. 

“You’re killing me, Evans” A voice like honey whispered, and her unconscious brought her back under. 

* * *

_ Bang. _

The closing of a door in the distance brought Lily back to the land of the living. Grabbing her phone on the bedside table she looked at the time, nine-thirty, and realized James must have just left. It felt  _ wrong _ not waking up with him. 

Lily rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling. She was  _ fucked _ . 

So maybe avoiding James until he left wasn’t the best idea. She was so confused, with screaming thoughts and insecurities racing around her head.  _ Okay, let’s start with what we know.  _

Lily knew that she was in love with James. She also knew that he was  _ her  _ soulmate at least. She knew he was one of her best friends, and she didn’t want to lose him. She also knew that she couldn’t continue their relationship the way they always have. The trip was the perfect example of that. 

Waking up in his arms felt natural, and the feeling of loss she experienced moments ago proves that something has to change. For her own sanity. 

Anytime she was around him she felt like her emotions were amplified. Like she could do anything. Lily had to constantly remind herself that he doesn’t feel similarly, lest her mind runs away from her. She just wished being around him didn’t feel so  _ right _ . 

There were a few unknowns, but the main one that plagued her was she didn’t know James’s thoughts on her, or on what happened the other night. 

Lily didn’t think she could handle it being nothing to James. She knew he wasn’t the kind of person who sleeps around. Hell, in the last year she’s lived in the same apartment as him, she can’t remember him going on a date. 

_ So maybe there’s hope. _

Lily got out of bed and padded toward the kitchen. She saw a little piece of paper tented on the counter and gently picked it up. 

  
  


_ Hey Lils, _

_ Happy Christmas! I hope you have a great week.  _

_ I’ll miss you. _

_ James _

Her eyes lingered on the words ‘I’ll miss you’. She felt butterflies erupt in her stomach, and for the first time in four years, she let herself feel them.

Lily knew she had to talk to him about everything. About her feelings, about what happened, about the colors he awoke in her. She decided she would tell him when she saw him next, which should be early in the day on New Year’s Eve. She could wait till then. 

Excitement and nervousness filled her being at the thought. Lily was finally going to tell him how she felt. 

* * *

The next few days were spent mostly on the couch, draped in blankets, watching movies. Lily decided to build a nest of blankets in the living room and hang out in her PJs watching her favorite Christmas movies. As the date moved closer and closer to the thirty-first, her anticipation grew. She was still a bit worried about the outcome, but she figured no matter what she would at least have an answer. She would worry about the fallout later, mostly because if she thought of it now she might lose her nerve. 

She texted Sirius and Marlene about her plan and they seemed enthusiastic. They also seemed to think it would have a positive outcome. Lily hoped they were right. 

It was finally Christmas, and Lily was under her pile of blankets, a container of sesame chicken in her lap, and  _ Klau _ s on the TV. It was still weird spending the holidays alone, but she did like how little fighting now occurred. She could just enjoy her favorite movies and bask in the quiet.

_ Knock knock. _

The sound cut through the apartment. Everyone Lily knew was out of town, and she’s pretty sure Petunia doesn’t know where she lives. Not like she would want to visit anyway. She paused the movie, placing her food on the table, she emerged from her blanket den and headed towards the door. 

When she opened it, her eyes widened at the tall man standing on the other side. He was the last person she imagined to show up. He was supposed to be with his parents, and Lily did not know what to say to him. She was supposed to have a few more days to figure it out.

“You know, you live here. You don’t have to knock. You have a key.”  _ Idiot.  _ James laughed, which helped ease some of the shame. 

“Turns out I missed you more than I thought I would.” He smiled widely. “And, I wasn’t the biggest fan of how we left things.” She swallowed thickly, afraid of what was about to come. “Lily, I have been in love with you since the moment I laid eyes on you. You were so vibrant, and smart as a whip. I remember leaving class and immediately tracking down Sirius to tell him about you. He’s been begging me to stop talking about you since.” He laughed at that, sentiment. 

His eyes were shining, and Lily felt like she was on cloud nine. “Lils, the other night was, beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I don’t know how you feel, I understand if you don’t feel the same, but I don’t think I can keep pretending like I don’t feel this way. You’ve unlocked this world full of colors, and I don’t think I can go back.” There was an almost desperate quality to James’s voice. The sincerity in his eyes had Lily’s stomach doing somersaults, and tears prickling in her eyes. 

The sincerity in his eyes had Lily’s stomach doing somersaults, and tears prickling in her eyes. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, or overstepped. I can stay somewhere else if it’ll make you more comfortable. I understand that it’s not always-” She grabbed the front of his sweater, and tugged roughly, connecting their lips in a soft, affectionate kiss. When they separated James rested his forehead on hers, a questioning, yet hopeful, look in his eyes. 

“James, I love you so much it is painful to be around you. I’m sorry for avoiding you for most of the trip or confusing you, but it hurt to be near you and not be  _ with _ you. I love you.” The words rushed out of her. She spoke softly, filling the little distance they had between them. The happiest expression Lily had ever seen broke out across James’s face. 

Before she could process what was happening, his arms wrapped around her lifting her off the ground. Lily’s arms wrapped around his shoulders, the lightness in her chest made her feel like she could fly. James placed her back on the ground gently. “You’re my soulmate too by the way.” The elation that was thrumming through Lily’s body made her feel invincible. 

He placed another gentle kiss on her lips, before grabbing his bags. She moved to open the door wider to let them into their flat. “Oh no. Lily. Please don’t tell me you’re spending your Christmas eating take-out. My heart can’t take that.” James said as he walked into the open space.

“Hey, I get to do whatever I want. You can’t tell me how to celebrate my holiday.”

“I would never.” He replied in a mock-offended tone. “But, mom sent home some baked goods she made, if you want dessert.” 

“Remind me to tell Mia I love her,” Lily said as she closed the door. 

“Of course.” Fondness filling his tone.

As James got settled, Lily went back over to the couch, getting comfortable in the crumpled mountain of blankets. When he reentered the common space, she lifted an edge of the blanket, inviting him to join her. Once he was situated, Lily burrowed into his side. James placed a soft kiss on her temple. “Happy Christmas, Lils.”

“Happy Christmas, James.” And it was. 

  
  



End file.
